We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
