We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize