I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
