If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
