he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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