M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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