He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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