thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
