I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Found your dick twin last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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