No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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