Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
NoShamevember. You game?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
