Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
