I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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