I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
