so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
