I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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