I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
