Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
