I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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