Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
