I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
