but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
