u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
