I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i think i have two assholes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
