I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
