fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize