Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
