apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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