I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
