im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
