the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
