Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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