I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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