He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
