I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We had sex on a dog bed..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
