Me. At least after what I've been through.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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