At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
