I wanna bring you to show and tell
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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