The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
