I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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