You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
