had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
