You made me cry and you don't even care
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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