Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
