Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
