I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
