Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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