I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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