I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
