I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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