so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
