First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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