my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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