the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
