I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
