there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
