His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
