In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
