My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
