This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
