I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
