yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
