I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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