kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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