I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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