so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I still have a little drunk in my system
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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