He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
