She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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