I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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