i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Barsexuality is the new black.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
