Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
