At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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